Tonight after I tucked my girls into their beds, I snuck into my boy's room to tell him good night. I sang him his song and kissed him on the cheek and told him the same thing I do every night.
"Sweet dreams my handsome boy. I love you. I miss you already," to which he usually responds repeating it back to me, "Sweet dreams mommy. I love you. I miss you already." But, tonight was different.
Tonight he didn't say those things back to me. Tonight he broke into tears. He cried, sobbed, like this for a good 30 minutes and during those minutes we discussed many of the things that have been weighing on his sweet, tender mind.
First - "How will Aunt Allison get me a pet if we're moving away? I've been waiting a whole year for this because she gave Afton Red Fred when she turned six. And now, it's just not fair. How will anyone know how to get me a present, especially one to help my new pet stay alive?" Being highly upset about this, he went on to the next issue that's been bothering him.
Second - "I am turning 6 and I'm not even going to have any friends to come to my birthday party. I know I said I wanted to go to Legoland, and I still do, but I just really want to have friends at my party too. Like you usually do for me mommy." I continued to comfort him and told him that this was going to be his first birthday party where he's completely in charge. Choosing whatever rides, activities, anything he wants, all at Legoland, because honestly, he's right. He won't have any friends where we're moving. Not yet.
Third - "I'm not good at making friends. Remember in kindergarten when I cried everyday for the first week, (it was actually the 2nd and 3rd week he cried - did great the 1st week) because no one would talk to me? Remember how that boy made fun of my teeth? He made me really sad. And, I'm not as smart as the other kids and what about my teacher. You always say I need to focus, and I just don't know if I can." I told my boy that every kid is the new kid the first week of school, and everyone has these same fears, doubts, concerns. I told him that he is smart, kind, silly, and loving, and that every one will want to be his friend. But it helps to have that Westra smile on your face to make friends easily. Most importantly, I told him that we love him, no matter what. As long as he does his best, that's all that matters. We will always be there for him, and so will his new friends, just like the new ones he made this past year in kindergarten.
Fourth - "I think that if I had my own pet, it would help me not be so sad because I'd feel like I'd always have a friend every time we move. You know. Like your friends tonight. Ms. Bojorquez and Ms. Salerno always want to play with you, and I want friends like that. I know that I have Afton and Jocelyn, but, they don't always play with me because I'm a boy. And it's not fair. But a snake or a dog will always play with me. They wouldn't care that I'm a boy."
My heart could barely take anymore. I had been in his room for what felt like an eternity, because my poor boys heart was distraught in so many ways. I laid there listening to my sweet boy, share his feelings, hoping for me to give the perfect answers, to help ease his worried mind. I tried my best to comfort him and tell him that everything will be alright, but sadly, that's not always the case.
I reminded him that although life is not always fair, we are blessed throughout it with opportunities to learn and grow. That along the way, we will be able to meet new people, who can become some of our very best friends, that we can cherish throughout our lives. Who make every moment you have with them better and memories that will always be sweet. That we will experience new challenges everyday, that will only make us stronger, if we choose to learn from them, and embrace our mistakes. I reminded that we can't always be good at everything, and not to worry about what others are so great at, but to focus on the great things he himself can do, and wants to do. To challenge himself and not settle for just mediocrity, to which he replied, "Me-dee-awcru-whaty?" I told him that he is our special boy, and that we will always be here for him, loving him, supporting him, being his biggest fans, no matter what. I even told him how lucky his sisters were to have such a caring and strong brother like him. And I told him that we will never, ever, EVER, own a snake in our house. Ever.
Tonight, my boy touched on all the things I'm concerned about as we prepare to move, (except for the pets thing), as well. My Sugar came in while we were talking, and shared with Jack that even he's afraid to make new friends, to try a new job, and to start over. But he said would be brave, and most importantly, he'd smile through it all.
My almost 6 year old boy recognized tonight that we have been quite blessed with our lives here in Las Vegas. Although these good things brought him concern, worry, and fear for his/our future, in that they might be lacking wherever we end up, he at least recognized them, and I could not be more proud of him for that.
I'm thankful for the good people we have in our lives who have shown us love, support, and constant kindness.
I hope my children will make the sort of happy memories, that I've made with such an amazing group of friends. I love you all! We all do.
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