T- Ball First Timers

My babies were excited when I finally got off bedrest for many reasons.  One of them was because they could get to do fun classes at the rec center again.

It was Jack's turn to pick, and he chose T-ball. Afton was given the choice to play with him or cheer him on from the bleachers with Jocelyn and me. I was proud she chose to play. "Mommy, we play in our living room all the time. It's not just for boys." (I know that child,  thank you very much.)

Afton and Jack have been sick for almost a week, but today they seemed to be doing better. They both assured me they could survive practice.

Jack did great the whole time. Great listener, quick learner, and good team player. He only came off the field twice to let me know, "I really need a pretzel."

Afton did as well for the first ten minutes. She broke down as they were running the bases. Tears streaming down her face, boogers doing the same, saying "Mommy, my legs feel like they're going to fall off. I just can't do it today." Poor thing.

I felt terrible. She told me that she would be better by Friday and ready to play hard with her brother. :)

It should be a lot of fun. I had the biggest smile on my face as I watched them both having fun out in the red dirt. Jack gave me the occasional thumbs up from first base. It was freaking adorable! When we were done he said, "That was the best day of my life."

Happy 1 Month

It's been a fun month having you here with us. We love you so much. Afton could spend the entire day holding you if I would let her. Jack wants to hold you for 3 seconds, but then would rather just look at you while someone else is holding you. "That way it is easier to give her kisses," he explained. Daddy loves on you every chance he can get, which is not often. Thanks a lot stupid dental school. I snuggle you the most, which is perfect for me. I can't explain the joy that comes from being a mother; it's a joy that I am so thankful to know in my life and for eternity. You melt my heart continuously.  You are my baby girl and I look forward to many more fun memories with you.

7 lbs. 1 oz.  & 20 inches

Prayer

I have a testimony of prayer. I know that my Heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers. I know that many have prayed and fasted for this sweet baby to come here safely. On a daily basis, I have received messages of hope and inspiration always with these sweet words embedded in their kind thoughts, "You and your family are in our prayers." My sister-in-law tells me that she encouraged a family fast, my sweet cousin stopped by - placed her hands on my tummy and prayed, my cute neighbor did the same thing in the middle of the street as I sat watching my children ride bikes from my wheelchair, my mother-in-law frequently put our names on the Temple Roll. The power of prayer is real and our Heavenly Father hears our prayers, no matter what religion we are.

This pregnancy has required a lot of prayers and this post it to basically remind my sweet husband, why I WILL NOT BE GETTING PREGNANT AGAIN. (Did you notice the change in my tone? I hope he did.) Don't get me wrong, I love my babies, and I will endure all of the trouble it takes to get them here. But, my sugar better PRAY it doesn't happen.

This is a run down of the medical fun we have endured these last 8 months. Thanks to the many websites that have helped to explain just how "fun" it has been.

Week 10- Subchorionic Hematoma - Info provided by: whattoexpect.com
How common is it? A good 20 percent of pregnant women will experience some kind of bleeding early in pregnancy, though it’s often hard to tell what’s causing the problem. Subchorionic hematomas are even harder to pick up because they don’t always result in noticeable spotting or bleeding, especially when they’re small... Here’s the encouraging news: More than half of women who bleed during their first trimester go on to have perfectly healthy pregnancies. But because subchorionic hematomas have been linked to increased risk of placental abruption and preterm labor, you don’t want to ignore signs of spotting or bleeding.

The ER doctors at the BASE only found one, but he said it was an extremely large one. He told me to take it easy and to be on bed rest, as much as possible while still being a full-time mom. He said that most will dissolve by week 20, but there is no way to help them go away. Just rest, rest, rest.

Prayers being said that I can be a good mom and good wife, while being down to help this baby to stay here.

Week 15 - Cervical Cerclage - Info provided by: everydayhealth.com
Cervical cerclage is the placement of stitches in the cervix to hold it closed. In select cases, this procedure is used to keep a weak cervix (incompetent cervix) from opening early. When a cervix opens early, it may cause preterm labor and delivery. If you have an incompetent cervix, your doctor may recommend cervical cerclage.

I knew this procedure would have to be done, since my boy Jack tried to come at week 24 when he was in my tummy. His procedure constituted an "Emergency Cerclage." The result of having it, placed me on bed rest for 12 weeks. This was a struggle since I already had baby girl running around the house.

Very optimistic about this procedure, I was sure I could have the cerclage placed without forcing me to be on bed rest, at all. Or maybe, less time then the 12 dreadful weeks I was down with Jack boy.  It was a preventative procedure, so that should be the case, right?

Wrong. During my procedure, I contracted. This was bad because it caused my once "extremely large" hematoma I had in week 10, to now double in size. My optimism quickly disappeared because now I would be officially down from week 15 to week 36.  That's an extra 9 weeks, from what we went through with Jack. Argh.

Thank you Kelly for being a sweet primary child and taking care of me.

Prayers being said more concerned about somehow managing to be a good mom and a good wife, while officially being down. Prayers being said for the amount of help needed and the lessons I would have to learn to let others help.

Week 16 - Base check-up
Conversation with my new OB.
Me - "So I am a little about where I need to be going in case anything goes wrong with this pregnancy. I am not sure what is covered through our military insurance but I was told last week to go to the emergency room because of complications during my procedure. Which ER should I go to?"
Dr. - "Why wouldn't you come to the base?"
Me - "Well, do you guys have a high risk Dr. that would be able to help me out or even a NICU for the baby?"
Dr. - (Bothered greatly by my question - one I thought was logical) No we don't, but the baby isn't even viable until week 24 so why would it matter?"

I have felt really comfortable in their hands since that monumental display of tact and bedside manner.

Prayers being said.

Week 20 - Trisomy 18 - Info provided by: everydayhealth.com and webmd.com
Trisomy 18 is a genetic condition related to the presence of an extra chromosome 18 caused by a problem that occurs when cells divide in the egg, sperm, or fertilized egg. The extra chromosome causes the fetus to develop abnormally with a number of physical and mental problems.
Trisomy 18 is also called Edward's syndrome. It is the second most common trisomy condition. (Down syndrome is the most common.) A fetus with trisomy 18 has three copies of chromosome 18 in each cell.
Many fetuses with trisomy 18 do not survive to birth, but some are born and live a couple of months to a couple of years. Babies born with trisomy 18 can have heart and kidney problems, a small head with low-set ears, a chest with an unusual shape, and crossed legs. They also have severe intellectual disability. 

On November 17, I had an in depth ultra sound with the High Risk Doctor. The tech was very thorough and let me know everything that she was seeing looked great. Then, she became silent. While looking intensely at the brain, she seemed to become more reserved. She then began to observe baby girl's hands and feet very closely. I didn't think anything about it at the time, but I do remember recognizing her sudden change in behavior. When she left the Dr. came in and had the same look I remember seeing on his face when I first met him with Jack. (He placed the emergency cerclage with Jack.)

He told me that there is a cyst on the babies brain. This cyst is something that can be directly related to Trisomy 18. He said that it is very common to find and in most cases, completely dissolves on it's own by the time of the next ultrasound. (Just like the hematoma I had that was NOT doing any such thing as dissolving.) "Don't worry. We will do blood work to rule it out, but just in case it is, you need to be aware that this perfectly healthy baby may not survive through the 3rd trimester or only live about a week. But again, this is very common to see, and we should not be worried about it at this point."

I remained calm and thought positive. I did the blood work and would have to wait a week and a half to hear back, (Much longer than usual but it was Thanksgiving week and all, so the lab would be unable to get the results back sooner.) That afternoon, I did a little research and figured out why the ultrasound tech was so interested in my babies hands and feet.

Babies with trisomy 18 are often born very small and frail. They typically have many serious health problems and physical defects, including:

• Clenched fists with overlapping fingers that are hard to straighten
• Deformed feet (called "rocker-bottom feet" because they're shaped like the bottom of a rocking chair)

I kept it together the whole day until my mom kissed me on the forehead that night and said, "I love you. But I am just worried about you emotionally and mentally." I assured her that everything was fine, but lied. I told myself all day it would be. I was 98% convinced of that. But after she left that night, I laid on my couch staring at our last family photo that rests on our mantle. As a family, we had been thinking about this sweet baby coming into the world everyday since we knew of her existence. My babies had spoken to her, sung to her, talked about what room she will sleep in when she comes, and so on. How could I possibly explain anything different to my sweet babies, if she didn't even come? How would I survive mentally and emotionally? My 98% quickly dwindled and I was done for. I received a blessing of comfort from my husband, bishop, and his counselor. The blessing was not exactly what I wanted to hear however. I was blessed to have strength to endure whatever situation may arise with this sweet baby. To be able to be strong for my family and most importantly for myself. There was no assurance that my baby would be ok, and that killed me.  I tried my best to think positive and to not allow myself to get down again, but everyday until I heard the results, I went through some dark periods. I masked them well, and I had to. But that doubt and fear was very real and very much there.

One week and 2 days later, we got the results from the blood work. It was negative for Trisomy 18. It was just as my Dr. had explained, a cyst that would dissolve on it's own. And sure enough, 2 weeks after that ultrasound, the cyst was gone.

Morning snuggle and song to the Baby girl

The power of prayer is real.

Week 22 - Homeopathic Dr. Visit
After communicating with my body, she told me that I was "so out of alignment that it was crazy. You need go off gluten and sugar so tell those Relief Society ladies no more rolls, casseroles, or jello salads for you to eat.  Also, get to a chiropractor as soon as possible. No wonder all your organs can't work properly when they are all out place."

Many of you may not believe in homeopathic medicine but after working with this sweet lady 5 years ago to help us get pregnant with Afton, (after going through terrible procedure after procedure with a fertility specialist that told us we would never have children naturally), I would do anything this "witch doctor" told me to do after only 6 short months of listening to her back then. She got us pregnant, along with prayer!

Playing games on my tummy.

Week 26 - Glucose Screening Test - info. provided by diabetes.org
Pregnant women who have never had diabetes before but who have high blood glucose (sugar) levels during pregnancy are said to have gestational diabetes. Based on recently announced diagnostic criteria for gestational diabetes, it is estimated that gestational diabetes affects 18% of pregnancies.

I had to take this test, but I knew it wasn't a great idea to do it the week after Christmas, considering we had every sweet treat possible dropped off at our house during the entire month of December. But I wanted to get the test out of the way while my sugar was on Winter Break from school. I figured I had not gained that much weight so far and had never had any diabetic issues with my first two babies, so no big deal right?

A week later, I received a call from a different, much sweeter Dr. than the "Baby's not viable anyway" doctor. One who had felt bad for me at my last check up when she heard I had been down since week 10 basically. She was not excited about sharing the news for the Glucose screening.

Dr. - "I can't explain it. You have barely gained any weight, but test results show that you do in fact have gestational diabetes. We need you to come in for a class, (whispering under her breath) but I know that's a challenge for you since you're supposed to be on bed rest."

I just laughed and scheduled another appointment to have my sister in law drive me to the following week.

 

Prayers being said that I can do this. I like food.

 

Week 29 - Another Subchorionic Hematoma
Having an ultrasound that is extremely detailed, has it's ups and downs. At this appointment, the baby girl was down extremely low, as usual and in her usual spot. They always laughed at how she enjoyed being there. For some reason, as the tech was looking for one of her many requirements, the baby girl wiggled. When she moved, the tech snapped a quick pic and found a SECOND hematoma. Not as large as the first, but still grand in size. No one was worried about it, because it had probably been there the entire time, since I had not had fresh signs of trauma. It just hadn't been noticed because baby girl always blocked it in the ultrasounds.

Prayers being said.

Preschool visit fit in when I could, but always sitting!

 

Week 32 day 3 - High Risk Appointment
"Your fluid is very low. You need to be on even MORE strict bed rest. You need to drink a gallon and a half a water a day. You need to be monitored twice a week for her heart rate and fluid. If it drops below 5, you're automatically admitted to the hospital with 3 options: baby comes early, hospitalized bed rest, or an IV for a few hours. So, how does that sound?" Says the nice high risk doctor.

Prayers being said that I could increase my fluid intake, increase my horizontal status from my already current state of being down, (Not sure how to do that), and increase my patience as it is wearing thin. I would have to ask for that much more help from my sisters in law, mom, and best friend for these additional appointments along with my husband and mom doing even more for me.

Daddy snuggling in between dental school, cooking, cleaning, and all other responsibilities.

Grandma helping every night!

Week 32 day 4 - Check up at the Base
At this appointment, they were actually going to do something other then just measure my tummy with measuring tape. They had scheduled me for an "ultrasound."
At this point, my experiences with the Mike O'Callaghan Hospital were stellar. To say that I had not been impressed with the hospital would be putting it very mildly. At this visit, it confirmed my desire to NOT want to deliver my baby in their facility.

Actual Conversation -
Nurse: "Well, you get an ultrasound today, but I am sure you are used to those by now, since you have so many issues and what not."
Me: "Yep, I have had a few issues."
Nurse: "Here we go. There is the baby's heart. You can see it pumping right there. It looks great."
Me (Thinking to myself that this image looks more like an ETCH A SKETCH, as opposed to an up to date medical image of the baby's heart): "Uh huh. She has a strong heart. That is good."
Nurse continues to search, and search, and search. Then confused says out loud, "I can't find the head. I know it has one, but I can't find it. I am going to have to call a doctor in to see if they can find the head."
Me: "Okay, you do that."
Doctor: "Hmmmmmm. Where is her head?"

Just to confirm, my baby had a head at that time. She had had one the ENTIRE pregnancy. They just were unable to locate it on their machine. (See why I had reservations about delivering there.)

 

Prayers being said.

Week 35 day 2 - Check up at the Base
 Dr. ________________ - I don't know her name because I had never met her before, comes in and reviews my file. Checks my numbers for my diabetes. Discusses the plan for the upcoming weeks.

Me: "Just to confirm, since this hospital is not equipped with a NICU and also, since you did not place the cerclage, I am  to deliver at Sunrise Hospital. Once the cerclage is taken out, which is scheduled in the middle of week 36, then I am to deliver out here at the base, right?"
Doctor: "Yes, that is all correct."
Me: "Okay good."
Doctor: "Your numbers (diabetes) are okay, and not warranting medication at this point so just continue monitoring your diet, ok."
Me: "I can do that."

Prayers being said.

Week 35 day 5 @ 4:45 pm- Phone call from the base
Dr. ___________ (I still don't know her name): "I just wanted to let you know that everything we discussed earlier this week has changed. We have been discussing your file here and we feel that you SHOULD be delivering here on base, because you are our patient. That is as long as you have hit the 36 week point. Also, we would like to put you on medication for the remainder of your pregnancy."
Me: "Spectacular. Thanks again for the conflicting information. Have a great day."

At this point, I am thinking of a way to get my labor started, and fast!!!!!!! Now, I only have 2 days left to save me from the stress of delivering at a hospital where they can't find the babies head, allow me to see an actual doctor who I have seen previously, or give conclusive information.

Later that night, I decided that while my babies were with their daddy at his church basketball game, I would go and walk around Ross and Wal-Mart. I was almost to 36 weeks and it couldn't be that bad to be out for a brief period of time.  My rationale was this; I wanted to have maternity pictures taken with my babies loving on my gigantic tummy, and so we needed a few cute new shirts. I also knew we needed diapers, wipes, baby wash, and Desitin. My motives for this walk were NOT AT ALL a last stitch effort to put myself into labor so I could deliver at Sunrise Hospital. (Wink, wink.)

Prayers being said.

Week 35 day 6 @1 am
Me: "Sugar, my tummy feels weird. I think I am having contractions. They are different from the ones with Afton and Jack, but they are increasing. We need to go to the hospital."
My Sugar: "Okay."

@ 2:45 am
Dr. in Labor and Delivery: "Your cerclage is broken. You are at a 2. You are delivering here, today."

Prayers answered.

Jocelyn Claire Westra

March 8, 2014

5 lbs. 13 oz.

17.5 inches

1:52 pm

 

This whole process was long and challenging. I prayed frequently and fervently. All I wanted ultimately was for my baby girl to get here and be healthy. All the drama that went along with this pregnancy was not needed, but I knew could be overcome. Especially with my Heavenly Father's help. I am finally finishing this blog post that I started way back in November. I have since had our beautiful baby girl, Jocelyn. We have seen the blessings given to us by our loving Heavenly Father. I am grateful for His love and willingness to listen to my constant pleading through prayer. I have a testimony of prayer and am so grateful for the number of prayers that were said on behalf of our little family. Thank you to all of you and to my Heavenly Father.

 

 James 1:5 ^aIf any of you lack ^bwisdom, let him ask of God, that ^cgiveth to all men liberally, and ^dupbraideth not; and it shall be given him.

Conference Cupcakes

So many people have a tradition of making super yummy food during LDS General Conference weekend. I remember during the October 2013 Conference last year, I saw delicious cinnamon rolls, Orange rolls, waffles, (and the list went on) all over my Instagram. It made me starving for some super yummy treats.

It made me start to think that I wanted to not only be better about being a diligent viewer and listener of Conference, but also to establish a tradition with my little family that they will think of from here on out during April and October.

Since I am scared of making anything that has to do with this phrase in the recipe, "Let the dough rise," I had to simplify our tradition.

Hence...

Conference Cupcakes!

"EGGS"ellent Listeners

I'm so behind on my posting, so I'm going to do this while I have the time. (I'm super out of order in my timeline, but oh well.)

Today at Afton's preschool, they did their Easter Egg Hunt. They invited Jack to attend, so we couldn't miss it.

Mrs. Bahati gave very specific directions about what kinds of eggs you were allowed to get during your hunt. (I like that about her. Even strict and direct on a fun activity.)

"Today's number of the day is 7. You may take that many number of eggs on your hunt. But you must also choose eggs that are different from each other. What does different mean?"

All the kids answered and were very sure about the number of eggs they could get and that none of them could be the same.

They walked out in a line, all eager to begin their hunt, and as soon as she said go, 15 kids were all gone. Almost all of the preschoolers rushed and rushed to pick up every egg they could find, spanning out in all directions. Almost all of them had forgotten the very specific directions their teacher had just shared with them 3 minutes before.

There were 2 who followed directions. Two who walked past egg after egg because they already had one that was just like it in the basket. Two who were searching for different eggs, just like the teacher had asked. Those two were my boy and girl. I was so happy to see that they had listened. It made me proud. I did feel a little bad though because since they were the only 2 who listened, every other kids' Easter baskets was filled with eggs, but my babies were not.

I'll make it up to them for being such "EGGS"ellent listeners.

Pay it Forward

This time that I've been down has been a real struggle for me. Mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, I've been drained. I've had to rely on others for so much and it has been one of the hardest things I've ever been through. I've seen my mom basically everyday as she has returned to her " young mothering" days to help raise my children- cooking, cleaning, bathing, bedtime, etc. I've had to depend on my sisters' in law and best friend for transportation to easily over 50 doctor's appointments. I've depended on a sweet friend to drop off and pick up my sweet girl 3 days a week for preschool, not to mention the fact that she takes both of my children all day on Mondays so that they get a fun time out of the house. I've had to have sweet little UNLV dental wives come over to play with my babies and cook them lunch because I couldn't do these simple things a mother should be able to do. I've had over 60 meals brought into my home from the sweet sisters of our ward, friends from school, and past students of mine just to help ease the burden.  I've had friends, visiting teachers,  and sweet neighbors just stop by to check on my sanity, (regularly, probably because they knew I was a nut bag even before this situation). I've had packages sent in the mail just so I know that my sweet friend is thinking of me. I've had to place extra stress on my husband to do more around the house, when he is just supposed to be focusing on school.

It's been six months, and I'm 10 days away from the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm overwhelmed at the amount of kindness and service we have received during this challenging period, and I'm truly, eternally grateful. There is no way for me to really "Pay it Forward" towards each of these generous people, but I will try my best to do so when I return to normal, vertical human status again.

Thank you again to all of you. From the bottom of my heart, this could NOT have been accomplished without your generosity. I'm emotional as I write this, and no it's not just because of the crazy pregnancy hormones. It's because I know that our family is truly loved by so many.

Clearly I have A LOT of work to do, to even begin to Pay it Forward!

"Girl cheese and Boy cheese"

This was such a fun night for my babies, oh and me too.

My sweet friend, Salerno, came over to cook with my babies. They were so excited when I explained to them earlier in the day that they would be preparing the meal tonight, instead of someone from our ward. (Don't get me wrong, we love ALL the yummy food we have been blessed with, but my babies like to be in the kitchen helping me cook.) Afton immediately asked if she could prepare something from her favorite cookbook. Disappointed as to my response that the menu had already been decided, she seemed to perk back up when I told her that she could plan another evening of cooking with Mrs. Salerno for another occasion. That pleased her, and of course, she did NOT forget what I said.

As soon as she walked in the door Afton bumrushed Salerno, like the Legion of Boom, and began to plan the menu for the next visit. :) Salerno was a good sport and I'm sure, won't forget what they decided on the very specific menu to be.

Anyhow, back to "girl cheese and boy cheese." Jack is quite a sexist and when he found out the menu was Grilled cheese and salad, he announced that he only "likes boy cheese, NOT girl cheese." We smiled and said ok. He's just too cute to argue with.

My babies did it all. Washing the lettuce, buttering the bread, placing the cheese, sneaking the cheese, and WELL, let's face it. That's it. There's NOT much more to "girl cheese and boy cheese." As simple as this was, it meant so much to my babies. They loved helping out and feeling big.  They loved learning how to use something new, like Salerno's fun grill pan. They loved being in the kitchen again, like they used to be with mommy, before the whole bed rest thing. They loved it so much that they asked when Salerno was coming back when they woke up the next morning.

I'm so thankful for my dear friend Salerno for coming over that night and making "girl cheese and boy cheese." (She even let me help out with school/FBI stuff - Bonus!) It meant so much to me, along with my babies. I'm thankful to call her friend.

Ps: I'm pretty stoked for the menu that my girl and her put together for their next cooking adventure.